On Competition

by Laura Yeager

The same part-timer has won “Adjunct of the Year” two years in a row. He’s good, but you know you’re just as good as he is. He has the edge because he wears a clean, pressed shirt and a tie every day. He looks efficient, capable and smart. You wear peasant skirts and black shirts, and sometimes let your grey roots show. The students love him, but the students love you, too. He’s your competition.

Let’s face it. No matter how good you are, someone is always better. If you’ve won the Pulitzer Prize, someone else has won the Nobel Prize.

What’s a body to do about that awful 11-letter word–C-O-M-P-E-T-I-T-I-O-N?

IGNORE IT

Probably the easiest thing to do about your competition is to ignore it. Work in a vacuum. Do the best you can, and don’t focus on anyone but yourself. Are you getting better? Are you finding new ways to reach your students and motivate them? If so, that’s all that matters. What do you care about the other adjuncts? Oh, you have your friends, but don’t give Mr. Stellar Part-timer another thought.

LET IT FUEL YOUR FIRE

This is the opposite of ignoring it. Option 2 is to let existing competition drive you. If Mr. Stellar Part-timer published a story in The Cream City Review, then you publish one in The Missouri Review, which is much more prestigious. Mr. Stellar Part-timer is very at ease when he’s lecturing. Look at him; learn from him, and push yourself, drive yourself to be better. You’re the best part-timer in the whole department. The place would cease to function if you said goodbye. They absolutely love you!

BEFRIEND THE COMPETITOR

If you can stomach it, this is a good option. When two competitors are friends, the competition kind of goes away. What takes its place is mutual respect. Go to lunch. Order him a humus dish, and pay for it. He’s your friend. Tell him your fears, your secrets. You’re equals, and the world is a beautiful place.

BELITTLE THE COMPETITOR

This is a bitchy position to take, but it might help you get through the day. When he wins his third “Adjunct of the Year” award, shout “boo.” Stand behind him at the Xerox machine, and make fun of his handouts. Tell him that you know his salary hasn’t gone up since he started winning all these awards. Tell him that you got that information from an inside source. Make him wonder what big wig you know oh so well.

STUDY THE COMPETITOR

Follow this guy everywhere. If he goes to the eleventh floor of the library, trail him. What’s he reading, eating, talking about? Where does he do his grocery shopping? How does he talk to his kids? Make this “winner” your business. If he’s participating in aerobics at lunch time, you participate in aerobics. Don’t let him out of your sight. Damn it, you can be just as good as this guy. You can be better.

IMITATE THE COMPETITOR

This option doesn’t appeal to me because I like to march to my own drummer, but this is an option for some. Use the same textbook as he’s using. Put the same articles on reserve. Give your tests on the same day. Say “oh my goodness” a lot, like he does. Quote the Dali Lama, like he does. You are just as good as this Adjunct of the Year. You are him.

WORSHIP THE COMPETITOR

If all else fails, become his groupie. He is your fearless leader, and you adore him. Jump on the bandwagon and give yourself over to the fact that this guy is truly IT. You are his disciple. He is your Lord and Savior. Amen.

MARRY THE COMPETITOR

This is a great way to get this guy under your thumb. If you marry him, you can always keep track of what he’s doing. Don’t you want to love someone great! Here’s your chance. Woo him, romance him and marry him. He’ll be yours forever.

QUIT

The say if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. As an adjunct, they don’t pay you enough to compete with your co-workers. Find a nice quiet job cleaning hotel rooms. There, as you’re polishing the facets, you won’t have to worry about who’s publishing this or who’s publishing that. In this business, you’ve made it clear that you’re the best chambermaid and nobody dare question you.

In conclusion, your luck might just change. Think about this–this year, it’s you as “Adjunct of the Year.” They can’t keep a good man (or woman) down.

But until you win your prize, keep competing. Stay in the race. Or don’t. You know your true value.

Stand tall; be proud. Collect your paycheck. You are an adjunct, a fearless breed, a breed apart.

You’ll get your reward in heaven.