The New Adjunct's "Twelve Days of Christmas"

millerBy Melissa Miller, Ed.D., M.Ed.
‘Tis the season! It is nearing the end of the semester, the end of calendar year 2010 — it is time to reflect on the past and look forward to the future.
One of my favorite holiday songs is “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” I enjoy the popular culture versions, such as Jeff Foxworthy’s “Redneck Twelve Days of Christmas,” which includes six packs of SPAM. Click here to watch the YouTube video. I also like the viral hit, “The Twelve Pains of Christmas,” a parody that highlights the modern nuisances of Christmas, including lack of parking, sending Christmas cards (something I actually enjoy), batteries not being included, and visiting in-laws. Watch that video below:

 
There’s a “Technology Twelve Days of Christmas,” which describes “four support calls — ever notice how time stands still on hold?” If you’re really in the mood to laugh, search for the “Deconstructed Twelve Days of Christmas.” It’s as strange as you would imagine – “ten melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class sytems leaping!”
Reflecting on these parodies motived me to try my hand at the New Adjunct version of “The Twelve Days of Christmas.”
If you have ideas for a “gift,” please share. Enjoy!

On the first day of Christmas, my new job gave to me… Entry into this elite club of part-time faculty (Adjunct Pride!)
On the second day of Christmas, my new job gave to me… Two students who used the same exact excuse to get out of class on the exact same day. (“Both of your cats died? Of lepracy?”)
On the third day of Christmas, my new job gave to me… Three office mates (including the French teacher) to share two desks in a closet called a room.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my new job gave to me… Four-year-old grading software that only crashes once per week. (“Did I remember to save?”)
On the fifth day of Christmas, my new job gave to me… Five days of perfect attendance! (What a gift! No makeup work!)
On the sixth day of Christmas, my new job gave to me… Six plagiarized papers! (Geese-a-Lying?!?!  Come on!)
On the seventh day of Christmas, my new job gave to me… A seven-line contract with disposability (Read: contingent faculty!)
On the eight day of Christmas, my new job gave to me… Practice in flexibility and adaptability. (“You want that in the next eight minutes? Sure!”)
On the ninth day of Christmas, my new job gave to me… Nine different school website and passwords to remember! (Just don’t look under my keyboard!)
On the tenth day of Christmas, my new job gave to me… Ten late projects! (The only thing more time-consuming than grading? Grading late work.)
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my new job gave to me… Eleven ideas for articles and projects I will get around to working on when I learn to type in my sleep. (Someday, someday… Do professors really have time to write?)
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my new job gave to me… Twelve weeks of joy! (Thanks to my students for a job I love!)

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to my fellow Adjuncts, novice and veteran!
About the New Adjunct: Dr. Melissa Miller completed her Ed.D. with an emphasis in Teacher Leadership from Walden University. She holds a M.Ed. from Mary Washington University and a B.A. in Interdisciplinary Studies from Virginia Tech. Dr. Miller’s professional and research interests include adult and online learning, professional development, and literacy. Presently, Dr. Miller works as an adjunct instructor and an evaluator, while also enjoying her role as a wife and mother.

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